So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
