Who did Billy Mays play for?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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