I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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