he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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