JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
accomplished twins. life is a go
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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