CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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