i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
