Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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