Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
