The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize