I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize