i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
