I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
