Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
