We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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