I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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