The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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