The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize