So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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