Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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