I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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