i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
