it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
