Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
