I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
