I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
