Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
