Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
