I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
