Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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