Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
