Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.

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  (206): Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use. http://tfl.nu/b12a
  Replies (14) Good night (3939) Bad night (681)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.

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  (609): The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner. http://tfl.nu/zame
  Replies (6) Good night (1867) Bad night (1208)
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  (585): View more from New York

  She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.

  (585): View more from New York

  Aren't divorce parties fun?

  (1-585): View more from New York

  You and I have very different definitions of fun.

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  (585): She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow. (585): Aren't divorce parties fun? (1-585): You and I have very different definitions of fun. http://tfl.nu/2zlr
  Replies (5) Good night (1152) Bad night (2847)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat

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  (615): i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat http://tfl.nu/x2jk
  Replies (30) Good night (6116) Bad night (1393)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.

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  (612): Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore. http://tfl.nu/3jmh
  Replies (15) Good night (4554) Bad night (1454)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person

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  (715): I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person http://tfl.nu/kk0f
  Replies (16) Good night (2731) Bad night (1085)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.

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  (971): Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin. http://tfl.nu/6hx6
  Replies (6) Good night (2302) Bad night (1764)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog

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  (973): i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog http://tfl.nu/1yan
  Replies (12) Good night (1019) Bad night (2836)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..

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  (785): this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car.. http://tfl.nu/jqo1
  Replies (5) Good night (774) Bad night (3106)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?

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  (248): How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break? http://tfl.nu/c6en
  Replies (1) Good night (867) Bad night (520)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen

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  (412): with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen http://tfl.nu/zqf6
  Replies (6) Good night (1011) Bad night (556)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing

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  (503): Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing http://tfl.nu/v3ef
  Replies (0) Good night (445) Bad night (301)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable

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  (334): Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable http://tfl.nu/erwp
  Replies (0) Good night (513) Bad night (399)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.

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  (414): Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time. http://tfl.nu/5fso
  Replies (2) Good night (695) Bad night (484)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  $150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.

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  (608): $150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome. http://tfl.nu/yakc
  Replies (4) Good night (706) Bad night (293)

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