yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
