GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.