omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
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i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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