that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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