we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance