Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
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We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is