Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i out mim tonsoeep
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