Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
