Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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