The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
