You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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