Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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