I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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