when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
