She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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