I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
