just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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