Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
