Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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