Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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