Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
