Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I love having hate sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
