My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
