i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
