There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
