Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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