She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
