dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
