i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
