I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
