I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
