I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
