if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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