If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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