Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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