How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
