So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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