you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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