I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
