if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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