We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
